F A N F I C T I O N > V . M A R S
Half-Undone by Amberina
The first time they kissed, Lilly dared them, because Lilly was Lilly and she got off on gay porn when she wasn't getting off with everyone else. Logan had smirked, commenting that it wasn't a big deal, and Duncan had felt excited though he pretended to be annoyed by the dare, and then their lips had met, their girlfriends looking on. Lilly whooped and laughed, and when Duncan returned to his seat beside Veronica, Veronica was looking down, a small blush on her face as she ever-so-slightly shifted in her seat. The game went on, with no further mention of their exploration of male/male kissing.
The second time, there was no dare, only Duncan leaning in, and Logan's body going rigid before finally accepting Duncan's tongue. Logan's mouth tasted of mint, and underneath that, the taste of weed and beer lingered. Duncan had been surprised when Logan's hands began to move around his body, and though they broke their kiss, neither said a word as Logan's hands worked Duncan's belt. The doorknob turned, and Duncan shoved Logan away from him. If the two boys looked suspicious, Lilly didn't notice as she draped her arm around Logan and pulled him away, leaving Duncan sitting on his bed, his belt half-undone.
The third kiss happened a day after Duncan broke up with Veronica. Both Aaron and Lynn were out, and the alcohol was flowing as Duncan told Logan things he never meant to tell anyone. Sometime after he said, his voice slurred and his brain a mess, that Veronica was his sister, he leaned against Logan's body. "Logan?" he remembers he said, but maybe it didn't happen like that at all, because he can't remember what Logan said in response. All he remembers is Logan's lips, and Logan's chest, and Logan's cock, and how they felt underneath his lips. After that, everything is blurry and he doesn't know if things went further or if it stopped there, all he knows is that Logan woke him up around five am, and told him to get dressed and leave.
After Lilly died, everything changed. Logan and Duncan both changed, and the kisses stopped. Everything stopped with Lilly's death. And then, out of nowhere, sitting in the middle of the Echolls' living room, Logan pushed Duncan back and there were no kisses, just Logan's mouth wrapped around his cock. Duncan remembers coming, his orgasm weak. He looked past Logan, and rushed to pull his pants up as he spotted Aaron standing there. He remembers Logan smirking at his father, and then spitting onto the carpet. Duncan left as quickly as possible, and the next time he saw Logan shirtless, there were bruises across his back.
The year went on, and Duncan and Logan were good until Logan made it clear he wanted sex, and then Duncan would get really quiet and his mind was full of Lilly and Veronica and Aaron and the bruises on Logan's back, and he couldn't do it. "Suddenly afraid of being a faggot?" Logan had said, that unbearable smirk on his face. Duncan said yes, though that was the last thing on his mind.
Logan dropped it, except for a few snide comments, always made in public. Always taken as a joke, as Logan being Logan. Later, Duncan would find out Logan slipped him some GHB on the night he slept with Veronica. Duncan tries not to think about either fact very much, though they're always in the back of his head.
Just before their junior year started, Duncan showed up at Logan's door. Later, Logan would tell him he smelled like liquor and sweat, and looked even worse, but Duncan thought he was fine. He was fine, and he wanted Logan and he pressed his lips against Logan's as soon as the door opened. Trina brushed past them without a word, and Logan led him inside. He went down on Logan for a few minutes, Logan leaning back onto his bed, a half-laugh and half-moan coming out loudly. Shortly thereafter, though Duncan's not sure how, he ended up underneath Logan, and Logan was searching in a drawer for some lube.
The first day of school, Logan sat on his lap at lunch. Veronica looked across at them, her gaze blank as she watched Logan move against him. and Duncan panicked, and pushed Logan off of him. Logan laughed that laugh and Duncan tried his hardest to eat his lunch and pretend none of it happened. They made out against the door of the boy's room between periods, hands rubbing through clothing.
There were a lot of unplanned encounters over the next few months, and then Logan fucked him against a poker table five minutes before the other guys were to arrive. Duncan had a poker chip in his hand, and by the time it was over, the outline of it was imprinted in his palm. Weevil came in as Duncan was, stupidly, leaning in to kiss Logan afterwards. Logan turned on a dime, and the look on his face was one of mild shock. "Don't be gay, man," he had said. Weevil never mentioned what he saw.
When Duncan called him a jackass later, Logan asked snidely if they were breaking up. Duncan had never thought of their relationship like that before. He'd never considered Logan his boyfriend. In fact, the whole idea of that was funny and weird and he didn't want to think about it. On the other hand, he'd tasted his come more than a few times, so maybe Logan was right, and maybe he did break up with him. In any case, Logan gave him a hand-job underneath the mistletoe a few days later, their break up - or whatever it was - quickly forgotten.
When Lynn Echolls died, Logan became distant. Now Logan was the one pushing Duncan away, and it felt weird. Duncan had always been the one to push him away. Hell, he'd been the one to push Veronica away. Eventually, Duncan gave up, and he began courting Meg Manning, if only to get his mind off of Logan and Veronica. By the night of the 80's dance, he was with her, and that was that.
Meg kept him grounded for a while, kept him occupied. He still couldn't help but notice the way Logan and Veronica exchanged looks, the way the kept running off together, and he knew that Veronica was helping Logan investigate his mother's death, but that didn't explain the way they seemed to stick to each other's sides. It didn't explain why they remained by each other's sides after Logan had long given up his search.
Duncan gradually fell apart, and by the time he found out Veronica thought he killed Lilly, he was a mess. He ran. He couldn't stand to be around anyone, least of all himself. In Cuba, he was someone else. He had a lot of time to think down there, and he convinced himself that Logan and Veronica weren't seeing each other, that he was being paranoid. Jealous and paranoid. Logan wouldn't dare...
When he returned, and he saw Logan and Veronica kissing with his own eyes, he realized he was stupid to think Logan wouldn't dare. Of course he would. He was Logan. Duncan left Logan's party, rage and confusion and everything coursing through his veins. Only after he felt the smash of glass, the dull tink of metal, as he took his rage out on a car that didn't deserve it, did he begin to feel nothing.
A lot of things happened between the car smashing and now, but all the thoughts, memories and feelings are like a run-on sentence in his head. It all fades when he opens the door and Logan's standing there, a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand, blood and bruises all over his face. He sways as if a small gust of wind could knock him over. Duncan lets him in, but tells him to be quiet. His parents are asleep upstairs, and they've had an interesting night.
"My dad..." Logan begins and then he laughs, loudly and without any thought to volume, but Duncan doesn't have the heart to shush him. "My fucking dad." There's a small chuckle and then he quiets, and looks over at Duncan, and Duncan winces and has to look away.
Duncan doesn't say he's sorry, because he's not. He does, however, feel sorry for Logan. Logan would kick his ass if he knew. And if he was capable of kicking anyone's ass right now. Finally, he says weakly, "Yeah."
Logan's hand flops onto Duncan's leg and Duncan tenses up. "Like old times," Duncan thinks he hears, but he's not sure. Logan's speech is too low, too slurred to make out. Logan smiles drunkenly, and Duncan notices for the first time that one of his front teeth is knocked out.
"We should get you cleaned up," Duncan suggests, and Logan doesn't say anything, but doesn't fight him when he pulls him up. Logan's hard to keep steady, but eventually he gets him into the bathroom. He manages to maneuver Logan onto the toilet seat. He wets a towel and gently cleans the cuts on Logan's face. Logan just looks at him lazily, as if stuck halfway between a dream and the waking world.
Duncan is leaning down, trying to gauge the damage on Logan with the blood wiped off, when Logan kisses him. His mouth tastes like blood and alcohol and Duncan knows he shouldn't kiss him back, but he can't help it. It's a quick kiss, but it's a kiss. Afterwards, Logan says something, but the only bit Duncan can make out is "stay here tonight."
Duncan nods. "Of course." He helps Logan up and he leads him very carefully to his room. Logan flops down on his bed and begins to laugh again. It's a delirious, throaty laugh and Duncan wonders if Logan's the crazy one now. He helps him get his shoes off, and then he lies beside him, and Logan just looks at him, that same lazy, dreamy look in his eyes.
Logan drapes his arm over Duncan, and for a minute Duncan tenses, afraid he's going to initiate drunken sex, which is the last thing either of them need. Then he realizes that Logan's just resting it there, and relaxes.
"For what it's worth..." Duncan begins, but when he glances over, Logan is asleep.
Duncan is awakened by Logan's groaning the next morning. Logan is sober but his face looks worse, and Duncan is sure the pain is extraordinary. Duncan sits up as Logan is putting on his shoes and Logan looks back at him.
They just look at each other, for a moment, and then Logan nods, and he leaves. Duncan lies back down and he stares at the ceiling and he thinks about everything and nothing all in one. This would make a great book, Duncan thinks. Or a television show.
After a bit of thought, he adds, this time aloud, "On Showtime."
Read the sequel, Come Undone >>