F A N F I C T I O N > V . M A R S
'Til It's Gone by Amberina
Lilly's grown so much, so quickly. Only four, and yet she already sufficiently fills the role of Duncan's only companion. She has the energy of her namesake and looks just like her mother.
"Daddy," she says, eyes a-glitter with the undistilled optimism of youth. Her hands are behind her back and she twists on her feet, bouncing up and down as if the thought of standing still for a second is inconceivable. "You said I can get a pet."
Duncan laughs, and wonders exactly what manner of creature she has behind her back. Snake? Scorpion? Gigantic, hairy spider? "I did," he says cautiously.
"Her name is Cindy-Ellie," she says matter-of-factly, thrusting a baby turtle onto Duncan's lap.
"That's a..." he studies the turtle and sees no distinguishing characteristics. "It's a nice name."
"She's named Cindy-Ellie, like the super-magic princess Cindy-Ellie," she says. She grabs the turtle back and strokes its shell.
"I'll have to make her a pumpkin to live in," Duncan replies, overcome with fatherly affection. "You'll like that, won't you? Yes, you will," he coos to the turtle, bringing his finger to stroke her shell as well.
"Daddy," Lilly groans as if her father has committed the biggest offense ever, "Cindy-Ellie doesn't live in a punkin."
*
Duncan still sees her everywhere. In the market, shopping for tomatoes and peppers -- a wisp of blond hair whips around in the crowd and his heart jumps into his throat. It's not her. Of course it isn't.
Meg is dead.
Sometimes it feels like the world is crashing down on him. He loses control of his breathing. Tears burn under his eyelids but he doesn't shed them. It's just too much, the weight of the last few years. Meg and Veronica, Veronica and Meg, Meg, Meg. Plotting and running and hiding. He thinks he can't do it anymore.
He's keenly aware of the fact that he'll never be able to shake the feeling of inevitable doom that shapes his entire life now. He knows he's one step away from having Lilly taken away from him, one step away from being discovered. He knows they haven't given up; it would be too easy.
So Duncan is careful. He locks doors and windows -- even though it won't help in the end -- and double-checks them every hour or so. He tries to only go out when there aren't many people around, if he can help it. It's hard, though. He has to feed his daughter and the markets are always crowded.
He's not thrilled about the idea of Lilly playing with the other children. You never know. Still, he grits his teeth and allows her to be friends with the kid next door, a small six-year-old named Carlos.
*
"Espérame, Carlos!" Lilly shouts to her friend, running after him. Then, in English, "Wait!"
Carlos' mother bought him a new toy of some sort and, after informing Lilly of this fact, he took off, ready to play with it. Or something. Duncan isn't entirely sure what goes through their heads, but they're cute.
He chops onions for dinner, standing in front of a window watching Lilly catch up with Carlos. The two go into the apartment next door and then return to the front of the window. Lilly's never strayed from the window except to, briefly, go inside the other apartment. She's such a good kid. The two sit down in the grass and begin to play.
After Duncan finishes with the onions, he walks over to the refrigerator to remove the meat for the meal. When he arrives back at his spot in front of the window, He sees a blonde woman leaning over, talking to Lilly. He can't see her face but he knows -- he knows it's --
-- when he blinks, she's gone, and Lilly and Carlos are sitting there alone.
*
Lilly crawls up the bed and then gets herself settled under the covers, just her eyes peeking out. She doesn't even have to ask for a story, Duncan's already heading for the bookshelf.
"What do you want to hear tonight?" Duncan asks, running his fingers along the smooth edge of the shelf.
Lilly pushes the covers down a little and shakes her head, pale blond hair whipping around her face. "Read me my new book, Daddy."
It'd been about a month since Duncan had made a trip to the bookstore -- it was far too dangerous to make the trip most of the time. "New book?" he asks, perplexed.
"The one the lady gave me today," Lilly says and points to the spot on the floor where she dumps her clothing when she changes.
Duncan searches in the pile and finds a book, The Paper Bag Princess, underneath a pair of jeans. His thoughts are scattered and there's a dull ache in the pit of his stomach, but he walks over to the bed and sits down. He opens the book and begins to read, his hands shaking.
"Elizabeth was a beautiful princess. She lived in a castle and had expensive princess clothes. She was going to marry a prince..."
*
Duncan wakes up at 7:30 AM with a start. Moments before, he'd been dreaming of Meg. She was beautiful and perfect -- until he moved to touch her and then she'd dissipate. Over and over again he tried, but to no avail.
It takes him a moment to get his bearings. Then he hears it; knocking at the front door. He squeezes his eyes shut and hopes it's still part of his dream, but it becomes increasingly clear that he really is awake as the knocking gets louder.
In a daze, Duncan heads towards the front door. He looks out the window and he sees -- a tingling, shivering cold envelops his whole body; his hands go numb -- blonde hair.
Duncan quickly unlocks the door and throws it open. "Meg!" escapes his lips before he can stop it, but after he realizes that it's not Meg standing before him.
Veronica's eyes widen slightly as that registers, but she doesn't correct him. Instead, she gives Duncan the opportunity to correct himself. "Veronica. What are you doing here?"
Veronica seems to ignore the question. "So how've you been? I've been great. You know, I have this kickboxing class and I got this really great job and I'm dating Logan now."
Duncan tries to speak but he can't find words.
Veronica looks down, "I just thought you should know."
Duncan nods, because words still won't come to him. Anyway, what can he possibly say?
"Lilly's really beautiful. I know she's going to grow up to be someone really amazing," Veronica says and then she turns around and leaves, and Duncan just stares at the space where she used to be.